Bowling association's move to Texas is a strike to Wisconsin's culture
March 31, 2008
This move is a kick to the shorts of Wisconsin. This is up there with stealing their cheese. Bowling is as important to Wisconsin as chili, Willie, and the death penalty are to Texas. Bowling is the very lifeblood of Wisconsin. Everybody bowls in Wisconsin. If you're capable of sucking in air in Wisconsin, you bowl.
Written by John Kelso, Austin American-Statesman
I think this move by Gov. Rick Perry's office to bring the United States Bowling Congress from Greendale, Wis. to Arlington by throwing $693,000 at it is just plain nuts.
Sure, the money from the Texas Enterprise Fund is supposed to bring $13 million in capital investment and nearly 200 jobs to Texas. There's even talk of a bowling museum. Who wouldn't want to plan their vacation around the Bowling Shirts Throughout History exhibit?
"I think any time we can bring jobs and economic development to Texas, it's a good thing," said Allison Castle, a Perry spokeswoman.
Even if the jobs are in shoe rental?
Yet, it's always fun for Texans to mess with Yankees. And that's what's happening here. By paying the Bowling Congress to move from Wisconsin to Texas, the Lone Star State has managed to rip off a major part of Wisconsin's culture. If you can use "Wisconsin" and "culture" in the same sentence.
This move is a kick to the shorts of Wisconsin. This is up there with stealing their cheese. Bowling is as important to Wisconsin as chili, Willie, and the death penalty are to Texas. Bowling is the very lifeblood of Wisconsin. Everybody bowls in Wisconsin. If you're capable of sucking in air in Wisconsin, you bowl. I know. I lived there for a month. And bowling's the reason I moved down here. The bowlers were driving me crazy.
The Wisconsin newspaper I worked for published 22 to 25 column inches of hard-to-spell, Milwaukee-soundingnames every Monday along with their weekend bowling scores. And if some guy named Kozlofski bowled a 298 on Saturday and it didn't make it into the Monday paper, here'd come Kozlofski on Monday afternoon into the newsroom, wanting to start a fistfight with one of the editors.
So anyway, Texas, get ready, because here comes the United States Bowling Congress. And now you're asking, what the heck is the United States Bowling Congress?
"We're the governing body of the sport of bowling, as recognized by the Olympic Committee," said Jerry Schneider, the Bowling Congress' public relations manager. So these are the people who decide where to put the holes in the balls?
Won't people in Wisconsin be throwing themselves out of windows because of this loss?
"I wouldn't say that," Schneider said. "I think bowling is always going to be a part of the culture here." What do you mean, part?
Either way, this is a real blow to Wisconsin. There are only three seasons in Wisconsin: deer, Tupperware party and bowling. And bowling season lasts all year. Remember that these are people who don't have to worry about forgetting their foot size when they get Alzheimer's because it's printed on the back of their shoes.
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